‘If you’re being raped, call your perpetrator “bhaiya” and he will stop.– Asaram Bapu, ‘holyman’. ‘Chowmein and fast food causes rapes.’ – Haryana Khap Panchayat. '(Some) Women protesting rape are dented and painted.’– Abhijit Mukherjee, The President's son. Ladies: throw away your pepper sprays. You don’t need them as long as your lips are armed with the potent word, ‘bhaiya’. Fire at will. Don’t eat fast food. Eating needs you to use your mouth in front of men, which is just ‘asking for it’. Always agree to any man’s sexual proposition – just say, ‘Yes’, to everyone. Most importantly, before making any wardrobe choices do consult with the President’s son. He’s never too busy to help you out with his insightful fashion tips. OR, ignore these wise words and go out and kick men like that in the grapes and fight back. That’s what I do. This is that story. The story of Tanya Bisht, over and under Delhi.